This had all started when Joan had announced that for my birthday we were going away to a romantic spa, where I would be totally pampered with erotic massages by beautiful young women. What normal man could say no? I panicked, and told her that there was no way in God's green earth that I could do it. And that was the start of a great revelation to me that not only was I a recovering Catholic, but was still suffering the effects of a castrating mother.

The birthday gift weekend opened my eyes to how repressed I really was. We talked about it and it was only a short time later that Joan told me she had cruised the Internet and had booked us for an introductory Tantric Sex Weekend. Realizing that something had to be done to help our relationship I quickly agreed. We sent in our cheque the very next day, no refunds, so we were committed.

We drove up a country lane to an isolated house by the river. Knocking on the door, I was filled with a dread, but Joan seemed quite at ease and this helped me as we entered the house. The host and hostess were very warm and welcoming but as I looked at the walls my discomfort grew as they were covered with explicit sexual art. The next surprise was when two couples joined us. We were a threesome, for the weekend. In each case, it turned out that it was the woman who had booked this weekend retreat. The power of women I was starting to realize was vastly underrated.

We were treated to gourmet meals and instructed in various ways of Tantra. Some of it was philosophical, but most was very explicit. Although we kept our clothes on for instructions,
videos were shown teaching us in the ways of Tantric sex. How to explore your mates body, touching, smelling, tasting, caressing. Setting up your special sacred space, setting the mood, and the details of multiple orgasms for both women and men.

We would be given ample time to go to our rooms and practice what had just been taught. In fact just realizing that three couples, all in the same house, next door to each other were all engaging in the most erotic love making only heightened the atmosphere. We were taught how to use oils, feathers, blindfolds, and much much more.

As time went on my inhibitions fell away. Instead of hiding my balls and penis as I had done all my life, I began to feel their power, and was proud of their presence. To have Joan caress me while we danced, with here hand massaging my penis while the other couples were in the same room and not care what they thought was an intoxicating thrill. I was starting to change and could feel it.

The last practice session on the second day was to start to raise the kundalini in each other. As energy workers Joan and I knew about this sexual energy, just had never actually known how to activate it. I slowly explored Joan's body stimulating every inch of her, from her toes to her head. And then slowly I began to focus on her nipples. They were already erect as she was in an extreme state of excitement . As m fingers worked their way down to her pussy, waves of pleasure racked her body. She focused on pulling the energy up her spine as we were taught and controlled the urge to explode in an immediate orgasm.

I switched to my tongue, holding her lips apart, I gently licked her clitoris. Then I began to suck it with the unexpected little bites thrown in. She began to have wave after wave of pleasure roll up her spine. It was a long controlled orgasm that she started to have. Not the explosive type she had always had before. As my tongue tired, I turned on our Hitachi Mini-Massager and gently introduced it to her hot wet pussy.

Immediately, the waves of the kundalini energy increased in both frequency and power. She started into moaning, with her eyes closed and mouth open, she lay there, hands to her sides and legs helplessly spread apart. Carefully I held the massager to her clitoris as her pussy began to pump up and down trying to get even more stimulation.

A long continuous wave of energy slowly built, despite Joan focusing on pulling the energy up her spine, through her chakras. Suddenly she began to become even more excited as her skin turned a hot pink. Her breathing became more erratic and at last she came in the most powerful orgasm I had ever seen her have. Her orgasm lasted for many minutes, none of this 8 second orgasm for my girl, when at last she seemed to collapse into an altered state.

The massager was still going and judging from her reaction I didn't stop it. I patiently held it to her clitoris for the next half hour while she lay there in a euphoric stare. At the end of the half hour she exploded once again in another earth shattering orgasm. Finally she curled up into a ball and asked me to cover her up.

To think that whenever we made love being quiet was of utmost importance. We didn't want the children to know, or the next door neighbors.... Those rules had been thrown out the window this day. Everyone in that house knew that Joan had just had some of the most incredible orgasms known to man. I had been pleasuring Joan for over two hours and my turn was yet to come. But for the next little while she just needed to be held, to recharge.

A few fortunate, and likely quite popular, men have learned to make ejaculation voluntary, meaning they can last a long time and come when they want to. Most however, ejaculate involuntarily and prematurely, that is before they or their partner are ready for it.

Coming too soon may be due to a physical medical condition but this is rare. Most men who ejaculate prematurely do so because of learned behavior and sexual beliefs, or because they haven’t discovered the simple techniques that can help them last.

In order to make ejaculation completely voluntary, a man must learn to do two things. First he must learn to keep his entire body relaxed regardless of how sexually aroused he becomes. Second he must learn to move the sexual charge that builds up during lovemaking away from his genitals and circulate that energy throughout his entire body.

Relaxation

Massage

Few things enable a man to be as profoundly relaxed as a loving erotic full-body massage. Women can help men get out of their heads and into their bodies by giving them a massage as a prelude to intercourse. Most men will notice a significant improvement in their ability to delay ejaculation after receiving a massage. Not only does massage help relax your body, it also opens up your flow of energy so that the sexual charge does not get stuck in your genitals.

Stop And Become Still Or Slow Down

Before you get to the point of no return, try slowing or stopping all movement. This usually works every time. Wait for the energy and excitement to subside and then you can resume active lovemaking.

Breathe Slowly And Deeply

As you come close to climax, switch your attention away from your genitals onto your breath. Take slow deep breaths that fill your entire lungs. Make your exhalation last about as long as your inhalation. Let your body go loose. Open your eyes and make eye contact with your partner. Try to breathe in rhythm together. Continue breathing in this deliberate way until your sexual energy has calmed down.

Avoid Stimulating The Frenulum

The frenulum is the bulge of loose skin just below the glans head on the underside of your penis. This spot is very easily excitable and can build the man too quickly to climax. Stay away from this spot to avoid involuntary ejaculation.

Squeezing The Glans

The glans of the penis is the big smooth head at the top of the penis shaft. When ejaculation is imminent you or your partner can squeeze the glans firmly and hold on tight. With the other hand use your thumb and index finger to press firmly on both sides of your penis at the base where the penis rises from the pubic bone. This effectively cuts off the neurological ejaculatory response from your brain to your prostate and will stop the ejaculation. This technique is easiest to use when your are being stimulated orally or manually. It also requires split second timing. Do not do it if ejaculation has already begun, it can be quite painful!

Three Finger Perineum Press

When you reach a point of high arousal and you know ejaculation is close, you or your partner can press on the perineum, the stretch of skin between your anus and scrotum. In preparation for using the technique during active intercourse, try touching this spot when an ejaculation starts and you will feel the vibrations of climax in your prostate gland. This is how you will know where to press. Notice where the vibrations are strongest - usually at about the midpoint on the perineum. To delay ejaculation, when you are at the point of no return but before the ejaculation has started, press firmly on this area of the perineum with the first three fingers of either hand. You can do this yourself or your partner can do it for you. Hold until the urge to ejaculate subsides.

Moving Your Sexual Energy

The PC Pump

PC stands for pubococcygeus muscle. Actually the PC muscle is a group of muscles that together make up the pelvic diaphragm which stretches from your pubic bone around to your tailbone. It includes muscles used in urination and bowel movements, muscles around your anus, testicles, penis, and perineum. Pumping the PC muscle is one of the easiest, simplest and fastest ways to learn to move energy and delay ejaculation. Pumping the PC muscle means squeezing or contracting the muscle and then allowing it to relax repeatedly. Alternately you can squeeze and then push out. You can do rapid pumps or long slow ones.

When you squeeze the PC muscle you pump the hot sexual energy up from your genitals and into the upper part of your body. This prevents the sexual energy from building up to involuntary ejaculation. If you can stay relaxed and move energy away from your prostate as fast as it builds up, you can delay ejaculation as long as you want. This is how Tantric lovers are able to extend active lovemaking for 6 or 8 hours or more. By the way, strengthening your PC muscle usually results in longer and stronger ejaculations when you do have them.

Add PC pumping to your fitness routine. Build up to several hundred squeezes per day over a two week period and eventually increase to 1000 or more per day. This might sound like a lot but you can do 100 PC squeezes in a few minutes. You don’t even need to find new time to do PC pumps - try them when you are standing in line, driving your car, hoisting a few at the bar.

Make Sound

As you get more and more excited make lots of sounds. You can moan, groan, yell, scream, chant, sing, growl and make animal noises. The louder and stronger the sounds you make the more that sound will carry your sexual energy with it, up and away from your genitals. A wonderful technique is to harmonize your chanting sounds with your lover. When you do this at the peak of sexual arousal the sounds you make together can be exquisitely beautiful.

Hand Movements

Moving your hands up your body, or having your partner move her hands up your body from your genitals to the top of your head, either on the front or back of your body, is an amazingly simple but effective way to move energy. You and your partner can do this repeatedly throughout the length of your lovemaking.

The Big Draw

You can alternate relaxing your body with a conscious full-body contraction - the Big Draw. Breathe very deeply and rapidly for about a minute when you are almost ready to come. Then hold your breath and clench every muscle in your body. Tighten you fists. Curl your toes. Grit your teeth. Tighten your buttocks, abdomen, arms, legs, chest, etc. If you are lying on your back (recommended for doing the Big Draw), push off from the surface with your buttocks and neck, while arching your back. This forces the hot sexual energy up and often leads to an explosive orgasm without any ejaculation. You may also experience altered states of consciousness with this very powerful technique.

Learning Through Masturbation

Build your arousal to approximately 75% of the way to the point of no return. As you get better at it, you can go closer to 90% or more. The point of no return is that point at which ejaculation will become involuntary, when you’re likely to ejaculate within seconds, most certainly within minutes. Stop what you are doing. Use some of the techniques above for relaxation and energy movement and allow your excitement to subside. Your erection should also subside before you start again. This allows the old blood to move out of the penis taking with it waste products. When you start to re-build your arousal, fresh blood will engorge the penis giving you a new erection. This new blood carries with it a fresh supply of oxygen and hormones bringing strength, vitality and virility. Many men ejaculate simply because they do not allow their erection to diminish every 30-45 minutes - the penis becomes exhausted and involuntary ejaculation follows quickly.

Repeat this masturbation process of building to approximately 75% of your point of no return, then stop, rest, and build again, for any number of times. As you do this pay very careful attention to what is happening in your body. Notice how your body feels as you get closer and closer to orgasm. Notice that your body gives you signals about how close to ejaculation you are: heat and hardness of your erection, rapid breathing, muscular tension, and so on. In particular look for sensations in your genital area at the prostate gland. As your sexual energy builds in the prostate it is like a pressure cooker. When the pressure gets too high, smooth muscles go into involuntary spasm, forcing the ejaculation. If you pay attention you will certainly feel something in the prostate as you approach this point of involuntary ejaculation. As soon as you feel this sensation, instead of going on to complete the ejaculation, you are going to stop stimulating yourself and rest. Notice how your body feels as you relax and let the energy (and erection) subside. Once you become adept at recognizing this feeling in your prostate during self-pleasuring, you can also be alert to this feeling during lovemaking, including active intercourse with a partner.

Other Techniques for Mastering Ejaculation

Change intercourse positions frequently. Experiment with various positions to find out if you can more easily delay ejaculation in some of them. There are an infinite variety of positions in the following categories: face to face, front to back, lying down, standing up, sitting, rear entry, and sideways. Some men report that it is easier for them to last longer during intercourse if the woman is on top. Also, face to face positions tend to be calmer, making it easier for the man to delay ejaculation, while rear entry positions tend to increase arousal very rapidly.

Communicate With Your Lover

You must communicate your state of arousal to your lover. If your arousal is cresting too rapidly ask her to change what she is doing, to stop what she is doing or to slow down. Give her very specific feedback on what you want and what you can stand. Be sure to do this in a loving, respectful and playful way! Some women believe that men aren’t happy with the lovemaking until they come. Let her know that you’re having a great time and want to keep on sharing your pleasure together.

Examine Your Beliefs And Assumptions About Sex And Women.

Generally the more you like, respect and admire women the easier it will be to learn voluntary ejaculation. On the other hand, the more you dislike women the more difficult it will be. The simple reason for this is that you will be in a hurry when you have sex if you dislike women. Sex will tend to be a maintenance chore necessary for tension release.

With a subtle shift in the way you think, perhaps you can begin to make love instead of just having sex. Open yourself to giving and receiving pleasure rather than trying to perform. Open your heart. Allow yourself to love your partner and be loved by her. Allow yourself to feel emotions as well as physical pleasure. Quick ejaculation is one of the ways men use to deny themselves pleasure and to avoid intimacy. Extended, ecstatic lovemaking requires surrendering and being vulnerable to your partner. Many men find that when they can let go of the need to keep everything under control, including lovemaking, their ejaculation response becomes much more manageable. It is ironic that less repressive control of feelings means more “control” or mastery of ejaculation response.

Sore Prostate

If after practicing techniques for delaying ejaculation you experience a sore prostate or “blue balls”, this only means that the sexual energy is building up in your genitals faster than you can move it out. This is not dangerous, simply uncomfortable. You can relieve this discomfort immediately by ejaculating, which releases all the pressure. If the discomfort does not go away, this may mean you have a medical disorder, such as a urinary tract infection, and you should see your doctor.

A man who is leading a tantric life seek to delay and eventually stop ejaculation and at the same time devotes his attention to meet the sexual needs and desires of his partner or partners. It is believed that sexual energy is the untapped source of sapiritual fullfilment. Therefore delaying or stopping the ejaculation increases the reserve of your spirituality. Continued delay and or stopping of ejaculation is a means to spiritual bliss and nirvana. The females who are partners with tantric men never achive spiritual enlightment. It must be emphasised here that the delaying and stopping of ejaculation is a risky bussiness and should be entered into only after all the other dimensions of tantric life are well developed. It is often difficult to see your partner achive orgasam while you deny yourself the pleasure of a climax. 

A few fortunate, and likely quite popular, men have learned to make ejaculation voluntary, meaning they can last a long time and come when they want to. Most however, ejaculate involuntarily and prematurely, that is before they or their partner are ready for it.

Coming too soon may be due to a physical medical condition but this is rare. Most men who ejaculate prematurely do so because of learned behavior and sexual beliefs, or because they haven’t discovered the simple techniques that can help them last.

In order to make ejaculation completely voluntary, a man must learn to do two things. First he must learn to keep his entire body relaxed regardless of how sexually aroused he becomes. Second he must learn to move the sexual charge that builds up during lovemaking away from his genitals and circulate that energy throughout his entire body.

Relaxation

Massage

Few things enable a man to be as profoundly relaxed as a loving erotic full-body massage. Women can help men get out of their heads and into their bodies by giving them a massage as a prelude to intercourse. Most men will notice a significant improvement in their ability to delay ejaculation after receiving a massage. Not only does massage help relax your body, it also opens up your flow of energy so that the sexual charge does not get stuck in your genitals.

Stop And Become Still Or Slow Down

Before you get to the point of no return, try slowing or stopping all movement. This usually works every time. Wait for the energy and excitement to subside and then you can resume active lovemaking.

Breathe Slowly And Deeply

As you come close to climax, switch your attention away from your genitals onto your breath. Take slow deep breaths that fill your entire lungs. Make your exhalation last about as long as your inhalation. Let your body go loose. Open your eyes and make eye contact with your partner. Try to breathe in rhythm together. Continue breathing in this deliberate way until your sexual energy has calmed down.

Avoid Stimulating The Frenulum

The frenulum is the bulge of loose skin just below the glans head on the underside of your penis. This spot is very easily excitable and can build the man too quickly to climax. Stay away from this spot to avoid involuntary ejaculation.

Squeezing The Glans

The glans of the penis is the big smooth head at the top of the penis shaft. When ejaculation is imminent you or your partner can squeeze the glans firmly and hold on tight. With the other hand use your thumb and index finger to press firmly on both sides of your penis at the base where the penis rises from the pubic bone. This effectively cuts off the neurological ejaculatory response from your brain to your prostate and will stop the ejaculation. This technique is easiest to use when your are being stimulated orally or manually. It also requires split second timing. Do not do it if ejaculation has already begun, it can be quite painful!

Three Finger Perineum Press

When you reach a point of high arousal and you know ejaculation is close, you or your partner can press on the perineum, the stretch of skin between your anus and scrotum. In preparation for using the technique during active intercourse, try touching this spot when an ejaculation starts and you will feel the vibrations of climax in your prostate gland. This is how you will know where to press. Notice where the vibrations are strongest - usually at about the midpoint on the perineum. To delay ejaculation, when you are at the point of no return but before the ejaculation has started, press firmly on this area of the perineum with the first three fingers of either hand. You can do this yourself or your partner can do it for you. Hold until the urge to ejaculate subsides.

Moving Your Sexual Energy

The PC Pump

PC stands for pubococcygeus muscle. Actually the PC muscle is a group of muscles that together make up the pelvic diaphragm which stretches from your pubic bone around to your tailbone. It includes muscles used in urination and bowel movements, muscles around your anus, testicles, penis, and perineum. Pumping the PC muscle is one of the easiest, simplest and fastest ways to learn to move energy and delay ejaculation. Pumping the PC muscle means squeezing or contracting the muscle and then allowing it to relax repeatedly. Alternately you can squeeze and then push out. You can do rapid pumps or long slow ones.

When you squeeze the PC muscle you pump the hot sexual energy up from your genitals and into the upper part of your body. This prevents the sexual energy from building up to involuntary ejaculation. If you can stay relaxed and move energy away from your prostate as fast as it builds up, you can delay ejaculation as long as you want. This is how Tantric lovers are able to extend active lovemaking for 6 or 8 hours or more. By the way, strengthening your PC muscle usually results in longer and stronger ejaculations when you do have them.

Add PC pumping to your fitness routine. Build up to several hundred squeezes per day over a two week period and eventually increase to 1000 or more per day. This might sound like a lot but you can do 100 PC squeezes in a few minutes. You don’t even need to find new time to do PC pumps - try them when you are standing in line, driving your car, hoisting a few at the bar.

Make Sound

As you get more and more excited make lots of sounds. You can moan, groan, yell, scream, chant, sing, growl and make animal noises. The louder and stronger the sounds you make the more that sound will carry your sexual energy with it, up and away from your genitals. A wonderful technique is to harmonize your chanting sounds with your lover. When you do this at the peak of sexual arousal the sounds you make together can be exquisitely beautiful.

Hand Movements

Moving your hands up your body, or having your partner move her hands up your body from your genitals to the top of your head, either on the front or back of your body, is an amazingly simple but effective way to move energy. You and your partner can do this repeatedly throughout the length of your lovemaking.

The Big Draw

You can alternate relaxing your body with a conscious full-body contraction - the Big Draw. Breathe very deeply and rapidly for about a minute when you are almost ready to come. Then hold your breath and clench every muscle in your body. Tighten you fists. Curl your toes. Grit your teeth. Tighten your buttocks, abdomen, arms, legs, chest, etc. If you are lying on your back (recommended for doing the Big Draw), push off from the surface with your buttocks and neck, while arching your back. This forces the hot sexual energy up and often leads to an explosive orgasm without any ejaculation. You may also experience altered states of consciousness with this very powerful technique.

Learning Through Masturbation

Build your arousal to approximately 75% of the way to the point of no return. As you get better at it, you can go closer to 90% or more. The point of no return is that point at which ejaculation will become involuntary, when you’re likely to ejaculate within seconds, most certainly within minutes. Stop what you are doing. Use some of the techniques above for relaxation and energy movement and allow your excitement to subside. Your erection should also subside before you start again. This allows the old blood to move out of the penis taking with it waste products. When you start to re-build your arousal, fresh blood will engorge the penis giving you a new erection. This new blood carries with it a fresh supply of oxygen and hormones bringing strength, vitality and virility. Many men ejaculate simply because they do not allow their erection to diminish every 30-45 minutes - the penis becomes exhausted and involuntary ejaculation follows quickly.

Repeat this masturbation process of building to approximately 75% of your point of no return, then stop, rest, and build again, for any number of times. As you do this pay very careful attention to what is happening in your body. Notice how your body feels as you get closer and closer to orgasm. Notice that your body gives you signals about how close to ejaculation you are: heat and hardness of your erection, rapid breathing, muscular tension, and so on. In particular look for sensations in your genital area at the prostate gland. As your sexual energy builds in the prostate it is like a pressure cooker. When the pressure gets too high, smooth muscles go into involuntary spasm, forcing the ejaculation. If you pay attention you will certainly feel something in the prostate as you approach this point of involuntary ejaculation. As soon as you feel this sensation, instead of going on to complete the ejaculation, you are going to stop stimulating yourself and rest. Notice how your body feels as you relax and let the energy (and erection) subside. Once you become adept at recognizing this feeling in your prostate during self-pleasuring, you can also be alert to this feeling during lovemaking, including active intercourse with a partner.

Other Techniques for Mastering Ejaculation

Change intercourse positions frequently. Experiment with various positions to find out if you can more easily delay ejaculation in some of them. There are an infinite variety of positions in the following categories: face to face, front to back, lying down, standing up, sitting, rear entry, and sideways. Some men report that it is easier for them to last longer during intercourse if the woman is on top. Also, face to face positions tend to be calmer, making it easier for the man to delay ejaculation, while rear entry positions tend to increase arousal very rapidly.

Communicate With Your Lover

You must communicate your state of arousal to your lover. If your arousal is cresting too rapidly ask her to change what she is doing, to stop what she is doing or to slow down. Give her very specific feedback on what you want and what you can stand. Be sure to do this in a loving, respectful and playful way! Some women believe that men aren’t happy with the lovemaking until they come. Let her know that you’re having a great time and want to keep on sharing your pleasure together.

Examine Your Beliefs And Assumptions About Sex And Women.

Generally the more you like, respect and admire women the easier it will be to learn voluntary ejaculation. On the other hand, the more you dislike women the more difficult it will be. The simple reason for this is that you will be in a hurry when you have sex if you dislike women. Sex will tend to be a maintenance chore necessary for tension release.

With a subtle shift in the way you think, perhaps you can begin to make love instead of just having sex. Open yourself to giving and receiving pleasure rather than trying to perform. Open your heart. Allow yourself to love your partner and be loved by her. Allow yourself to feel emotions as well as physical pleasure. Quick ejaculation is one of the ways men use to deny themselves pleasure and to avoid intimacy. Extended, ecstatic lovemaking requires surrendering and being vulnerable to your partner. Many men find that when they can let go of the need to keep everything under control, including lovemaking, their ejaculation response becomes much more manageable. It is ironic that less repressive control of feelings means more “control” or mastery of ejaculation response.

Sore Prostate

If after practicing techniques for delaying ejaculation you experience a sore prostate or “blue balls”, this only means that the sexual energy is building up in your genitals faster than you can move it out. This is not dangerous, simply uncomfortable. You can relieve this discomfort immediately by ejaculating, which releases all the pressure. If the discomfort does not go away, this may mean you have a medical disorder, such as a urinary tract infection, and you should see your doctor.

A man who is leading a tantric life seek to delay and eventually stop ejaculation and at the same time devotes his attention to meet the sexual needs and desires of his partner or partners. It is believed that sexual energy is the untapped source of sapiritual fullfilment. Therefore delaying or stopping the ejaculation increases the reserve of your spirituality. Continued delay and or stopping of ejaculation is a means to spiritual bliss and nirvana. The females who are partners with tantric men never achive spiritual enlightment. It must be emphasised here that the delaying and stopping of ejaculation is a risky bussiness and should be entered into only after all the other dimensions of tantric life are well developed. It is often difficult to see your partner achive orgasam while you deny yourself the pleasure of a climax. 

Mind is the origin of all things.
Mind is the universal seed,
Both samsara and nirvana spring forth from it. [41.]

As is nirvana, so is samsara.
Do not think there is any distinction.
Yet it possesses no single nature
For I know it as quite pure. [102]

Here there is no beginning, no middle, no end,
Neither samsara nor nirvana.
In this state of highest bliss
There is neither self nor other. [27]

Whatever you see, that is it,
In front, behind, in all the ten directions. [28]

One should not think of molecules or atoms;
It is this supreme bliss that pours forth unceasingly as existence. [61]

Do not sit at home, do not go to the forest,
But recognize mind wherever you are.
When one abides in complete and perfect enlightenment,
When samsara and where is nirvana?

Unity of self and other.

"This is myself and this is another."
Be free of this bond which encompasses you about,
and your own self is thereby released.
Everything is Buddha without exception. [104-105]

Do not discriminate, but see things as one,
Making no distinction of families. [26]

Look and listen, touch and eat,
smell, wander, sit and stand,
Renounce the vanity of discussion,
Abandon thought and be not moved from singleness.
Abandon thought and be just like a child. [55-7]

Do not then conceive differences in yourself.
When there is no distinction between body, speech and mind,
Then the true nature of the Innate shines forth.

Liberation through indulgence.

I have visited in my wanderings shrines and other places of pilgrimage,
But I have not seen another shrine blissful like my own body. [48]

Eat and drink, indulge the senses,
Fill the mandala (with offerings) again and again,
By things like these you'll gain the world beyond.
[24]

Enjoying the world of sense, one is undefiled by the world of sense.
One plucks the lotus without touching the water.
So the yogin who has gone to the root of things
Is not enslaved by the senses although he enjoys them. [64.]

Even as water entering water
Has the same savour,
So faults and virtues are accounted the same
As there is no opposition between them. [74]

The supreme bliss of orgasm.

There is neither passion nor absence of passion.
Seated beside her own, her mind destroyed,
Thus I have seen the yogini. [85]

That blissful delight that consists between lotus [vagina] and vajra [thunderbolt, ie, penis],
Who does not rejoice there?
This moment may be the bliss of means, or of both wisdom and means . .
It is profound, it is vast.
it is neither self nor other . . .
Even as the moon makes light in black darkness,
So in one moment the supreme bliss removes all defilement.
When the sun of suffering has set,
Then arises this bliss, this lord of the stars.
It creates with continuous creativity,
And of this comes the mandala circle [of the cosmos].
Gain purification in bliss supreme,
For here lies final perfection.[94-98]

Identity of the world (samsara) and nirvana.

Mind is the origin of all things.
Mind is the universal seed,
Both samsara and nirvana spring forth from it. [41.]

As is nirvana, so is samsara.
Do not think there is any distinction.
Yet it possesses no single nature
For I know it as quite pure. [102]

Here there is no beginning, no middle, no end,
Neither samsara nor nirvana.
In this state of highest bliss
There is neither self nor other. [27]

Whatever you see, that is it,
In front, behind, in all the ten directions. [28]

One should not think of molecules or atoms;
It is this supreme bliss that pours forth unceasingly as existence. [61]

Do not sit at home, do not go to the forest,
But recognize mind wherever you are.
When one abides in complete and perfect enlightenment,
When samsara and where is nirvana?

Unity of self and other.

"This is myself and this is another."
Be free of this bond which encompasses you about,
and your own self is thereby released.
Everything is Buddha without exception. [104-105]

Do not discriminate, but see things as one,
Making no distinction of families. [26]

Look and listen, touch and eat,
smell, wander, sit and stand,
Renounce the vanity of discussion,
Abandon thought and be not moved from singleness.
Abandon thought and be just like a child. [55-7]

Do not then conceive differences in yourself.
When there is no distinction between body, speech and mind,
Then the true nature of the Innate shines forth.

Liberation through indulgence.

I have visited in my wanderings shrines and other places of pilgrimage,
But I have not seen another shrine blissful like my own body. [48]

Eat and drink, indulge the senses,
Fill the mandala (with offerings) again and again,
By things like these you'll gain the world beyond.
[24]

Enjoying the world of sense, one is undefiled by the world of sense.
One plucks the lotus without touching the water.
So the yogin who has gone to the root of things
Is not enslaved by the senses although he enjoys them. [64.]

Even as water entering water
Has the same savour,
So faults and virtues are accounted the same
As there is no opposition between them. [74]

The supreme bliss of orgasm.

There is neither passion nor absence of passion.
Seated beside her own, her mind destroyed,
Thus I have seen the yogini. [85]

That blissful delight that consists between lotus [vagina] and vajra [thunderbolt, ie, penis],
Who does not rejoice there?
This moment may be the bliss of means, or of both wisdom and means . .
It is profound, it is vast.
it is neither self nor other . . .
Even as the moon makes light in black darkness,
So in one moment the supreme bliss removes all defilement.
When the sun of suffering has set,
Then arises this bliss, this lord of the stars.
It creates with continuous creativity,
And of this comes the mandala circle [of the cosmos].
Gain purification in bliss supreme,
For here lies final perfection.[94-98]

The idea that human sexuality is something dirty and sinful is a common trait for the Middle Eastern religions. The Esseenes, the early Christian sect, simply avoided marriage and sex all together. These eastern religions’s view of women was formed by the fact that they emerged in male dominated and very patriarchal societies. The covenant of the Old Testament between Jehova and the Jews, was really a pact between the God and exclusively the male part of the population. Women traditionally had a very low esteem in the Jewish society. They were seen as being somewhat stupid, not very good learners and frivolous. Women played a minor role in public life in Jewish society and were limited to being maternal- and householding chores. The Jews also looked upon women as the source of sin and death. “Original sin originated from the woman, and because of her we all must die”. This view of women has been part of Christianity ever since (Westermark). Woman was blamed for the original sin, to have led innocent Adam and thus mankind into the cesspool of sin.

The Christian view of women and sexuality are closely connected with the concept of original sin. “Behold, I am born in misdeed, and my mother conceived me in sin” (Ps 51,7). When Adam and Eve, according to the Bible, suddenly realised that they were stark naked and had different anatomy, they took an interest in each other’s bodies. As a result the dirty and sinful bodily libido came into play. How mankind otherwise was supposed to reproduce and multiply in Gods cunning Masterplan is a bit unclear in the Bible. Maybe he had some kind of test tube cloning in mind, or perhaps some kind of pollination? Without “original sin” there would soon be no mankind for God to condemn. And we all know how much he likes to condemn and kill sinners, by the thousands.

But of course, the gullible woman Eve was to blame, not the crazy Lord Almighty who placed both the three of knowledge and the seductive talking (!) snake in the three, in the garden in the first place. It is of course blasphemous to suggest that an almighty and omniscient creator God should really know what kind of creatures he creates. He should know that Eve would fall for the snake’s smooth talking. Why create man with a free will if you don’t want man to have this free will, and will punish harshly your creations for taking their own choices? It makes of course perfect sense if God is a perverted sadist deity, getting off on punishing his puny mortal creations.

The Church Father Tertullian tells us “the woman should wear a simple dress, be mournful and full of repentance to suffer for her inheritance from Eve, the shame of being the one who committed the original sin and the guilt of being the cause of mankind’s condemnation.” According to the apocrypha Egyptian gospel, Jesus said, “I have come to abolish the deeds of women” (Edwien). It is reasonable to interpret this as referring to “Original sin”, that is female sexuality, procreation and childbirth. This is also in accordance with the bizarre Christian celibacy ideal. Women were a constant threat and challenge to the male priests and monks pledge of celibacy and chastity. The pious Francis of Assisi f.ex. warns his fellow Franciscan brothers against having anything to do with women at all, even to talk to them.

Of lesser value
The Church Fathers St. Augustine, Ambrosius and John Chrysostomos (Gold-mouth) all had the opinion that woman was an inferior creature of lesser value than men. She was not created in Gods image (because God is a man), and her main purpose was to serve and obey the man. The church fathers argued that the very caption “woman” or “female” (femina in latin) was in itself kind of obvious linguistic proof that women were inferior to men. They argued that the word “femina” consisted of the two words fe = fides (faith) and minus (less), thus “femina” meant “of lesser faith”. Christianity’s “great thinker” Thomas Aquinas also saw women as both bodily and spiritually inferior to men. He meant that women in reality were “failed” men. This alleged holy cerebral genius was convinced that girls were the result of poor semen quality or a faulty uterus. He wondered if the reason for the birth of girls could be the damp winds from the south, which besides causing rain also caused babies with an extra high water content (!), - girls (Deschner 1987). Martin Luther, who in fact contributed to abolishing celibacy, also saw women as inferior, woman were only “half a child” or a “magnificent animal” in his view (Ibid).

Are women human?
At the church council in Mâcon towards the end of the sixth century, a bishop asked the question if women were to be considered as human beings (or more precisely: belonging to the species “homo” [sapiens]). The bishop answered this very intelligent question himself with a firm No! The majority of the council however, agreed upon that according to the Bible, women, in spite of all their faults and shortcomings, had to be considered as a member of the human species. Some of the delegates insisted however that the female gender only is of this earthly world, and that after Judgement Day all women will be transformed to genderless beings.
One realises that the cognitive abilities of the prominent delegates of the Christian Church in the first centuries left something to be desired. Even a Catholic has to admit, “none of the official Roman bishops in the second and third century could be considered as real theologians” (A. Erhard in Deschner 1987).
I’m not completely convinced if the situation has improved much since then.

Another church council, this time in Auxerre, in the end of the sixth century forbade women to receive the Eucharist with their bare hands, to not spoil the sacrament. Repeatedly the importance of women keeping their distance from the altar when attending mass is emphasized. With Christianity the women lost their traditional free social role in both the Roman Empire and in Germanic Northern Europe. In the Roman society, the marriage arrangement Conventio in manum, where the husband did not get authority over his wife or her money, was now abolished. Under this arrangement the married woman would still be under her father’s authority, an authority more or less reduced to a trifle at this point. After the introduction of Christianity, Roman women and their possessions came under their husband’s authority, and thus losing their independence.

The Bible’s regulations of marriage and gender roles were of course heavily influenced by the Jewish society’s strong patriarchal traditions. By the way, St.Mark tells us that Jesus said that if a [Jewish] woman divorced her husband, and then re-married, she was guilty of adultery (Mk 10,12). St.Mark is obviously not very well informed about Jewish society, since Jewish women had actually no right whatsoever to divorce their husbands.

With the introduction of Christianity in Northern Europe, women also lost much of their status, independence and prominent role in both society and religious life. In the pagan religion, women were central both in performing rituals and with several female goddesses in the pagan pantheon. Women had the right to inherit land and other rights under the laws, and were often the owner and head of households. In the pagan burials, there are no differences in wealth between male and female burials in the pre-Christian periods.

In polytheistic religions like the Pagan Norse religion, the eternal battle between the forces is the main theme. This battle between order and chaos is upholding the balance of the world. The different forces, or gods, are not simply good or evil; they are playing their necessary parts in the everlasting epic fight, maintaining the balance and equilibrium of the world. Christianity, on the other hand, is a harsh dualism between good and evil, between pure and spoiled, black and white. There is no room for greys, compromises or doubt. “He that is not with me is against me” as Jesus himself so eloquently undiplomatically puts it (Mt 12:30, Mk 9,40).

The pagan religions of northern Europe were faith-tolerant and accepted other religions. A myriad of different gods, both local and foreign, was not a problem for polytheistic religions. Christianity is on the other hand a strictly monotheistic religion, which does not tolerate other gods whatsoever. As result the Church demonised the old pagan gods. And with Christianity, a strong patriarchal male dominated social order was introduced. Christianity was forced upon pagan society by the authorities by sword. As emperor Constantine did in the fourth century, Christianity was now also used as a powerful political tool to get rid of the old power structures and local petty kings, and introducing an unified national sovereign authority. The pagan religion was an entire integral part of the pre-Christian society, and by destroying the pagan religion, the pagan society’s political structures also crumbled. With Christianity we also got the strict male domination of the church wedged into the society’s social structures. And there was no place for women in this new religion, except as pious passive believers.

With the male domination in the Church, women were considered as of inferior value and subordinate men, according to St. Paul’s teachings. St. Paul thought that men should be the head of women; she was created to serve the man and not vice versa. 1Cor 11,1-9; Eph 5,21-24; Col 3,18; 1 Tim 2,11-15; Tit 2,4-5; A woman should not be allowed to teach, and she should be quiet - be seen and not heard.* As late as in 1995, Pope John Paul II declared the debate of female priests for over. There was nothing to discuss; Jesus chose only men as apostles, and therefore only men can be priests. End of story!

Chastity?
The Church’s fear of women is closely connected with the Church’s views on sex, celibacy and chastity ideals. Women aroused feelings and desires among the male clergy, feelings they were desperately trying to suppress. Such yearnings and desires often take a lot of self-discipline to suppress, and to suppress such natural feelings cannot be very healthy in the long run. The Church’s bizarre ideas about women, sexuality and crazy paranoid notions about the workings of demons and spirits that later led to the crazy and hysterical witch-hunts, are obvious proof of this.

The official teachings of the Church was one thing, the clerical real life practice another. Chastity was not something everybody in the Church took as an absolute unexceptionable rule; popes, cardinals, bishops, priests, monks and nuns have fornicated and produced offspring since early Christendom. As an example: Pope Paul III became pope only because his sister was the last pope’s (Alexander VI) mistress. Paul himself had three sons with other women than his wife. In the Vatican corridors, popes and cardinals were not the only ones wearing dresses. When these things couldn’t be kept secret, it was only logical to blame it on the innate sinful women, who with their evil ways tempted and lured the poor pious clergy into carnal lust and sin against their will.
Christianity teaches that there is a clear distinction between soul and body, between the pure spiritual soul, and the dirty and disgusting body. Again it is St. Paul who is the main advocate for the idea that everything bodily is sinful, that the human body itself is the very home, the very root of Sin. This idea has produced a variety of bizarre events and views over the years. The Church Father Origenes sat right down and castrated himself after taking the Bible’s words of celibacy literally. Other theologians would often refer to the human body with contempt, such as a “pit of dung”, a “container of all things rotten” or as a “snow covered pile of manure” (The theologian John of Aviola, elevated to Church father in 1926).
One is tempted to say, “It takes one to know one”.

Pious Madness
The denial of natural feelings and desires cannot be very healthy in the long run. Whenever pious monks felt sexually aroused and felt a tingling sensation in the groin, it was not uncommon for them to dive naked into freezing waters in lakes and rivers, even in the middle of the night and in wintertime. Standing in freezing water to their waist bending their knees repeatedly and singing hymns with rattling teeth and purple faces, they conquered the devious sin. Some wrapped heavy pieces of iron to their penises as penitence, others isolated themselves in small rooms for years, some rolled themselves in ant nests as the holy Macarius, or rolled naked in thorn bushes as the holy Benedict. The pious Schenute did his penitence by weeping all day, and Antonius, the founder of the Antonite order, smeared himself with pig excrements (St. Antonius is by the way the holy catholic protector of cattle).
Others got the wonderful idea to live on grass alone, and grazed the meadows as cattle. To do penitence by standing still and mute for days at end was also a very popular thing among many pious Christians. Others took more drastic measures. The founder of the Dominican order, Domingo du Guzman (1170-1221 AD) whipped himself unconscious regularly to maintain his chastity and to strengthen his piousness.

The over-the-top pious syrian Symeon Stylites (means pillar man in Greek)(390-459 AD) roosted on top of a high pillar for 36(!) years, praying, preaching and doing ascetic exercises. This was not the first deranged idea this Symeon have had. Earlier he had stood firm in a dry well for five days on end praising God’s glory with constant singing, and then he let himself be walled up during fasting, without any food or drink. He did this at least 28 times. This happened around 412 AD after he was expelled from the monastery in Taleda because of his fanatical penitence-eagerness. After several years with his relentless energetic and manically urge to do penitence, the other monks couldn’t take it any more and kicked him out.
After the five days in the well and the fasting episode, he then let himself be chained to a rock and hung there for a while, until he got this marvellous idea about the pillar. Then he had already been contemplating standing on one foot for the rest of his life, but the idea of ascending a pillar was obviously more appealing to him. Symeon then became the first of the church’s holy pillar saints. Symeon also took the Church’s negative view of women very seriously, to such a degree that he refused to see his old mother for the rest of his life. (His mother Martha later also became a catholic Saint, because of her son Symeon’s “great achievement”). Women were not allowed to approach his pillar, and had to keep their distance. He also used to throw stones at passing women from his small platform on top of the pillar, if they came too close (Deschner 1987).

Twice a day he held exhorting preaches to visiting pilgrims from this elevated platform. Symeon’s pious pillar ascension inspired a multitude of aspiring pillar saints, who also roosted themselves on top of high pillars, often for decades. Some of the later ones were smart enough to build themselves small shelters on top of their pillar. Soon there were numerous of such pillars with a deranged bearded and ragged holy men roosting on top. Regular forests of pillars were erected, and competition could be hard. A Roman monk, John Moschus, writes about a long and bitter religious dispute between a catholic and a monophysitic pillar saint, who stood and yelled and ridiculed each other from their respective pillars (Deschner 1990). Symeon and probably all the other pillar saints were probably completely raving insane, but to the Church they are holy ideals of piousness, chastity and asceticism.

Criminal Law and Punishment
Under the influence of Christian teachings, Constantine - the first ”Christian” emperor, started to criminalize moral misdemeanours. This had earlier been considered belonging to the private domain. Among other things, “stealing brides”, also in the cases were the bride consented, now got a death penalty. Not only the “kidnapper” groom and the bride, but also the participating staff (servants, wet-nurses etc) were executed by forcing melted lead down their throats. Participating slaves were burned to death. For sexual relations between a male slave and his female owner, the woman was decapitated and the slave burned. A corresponding regulation for sexual relationships between male owners and female slaves didn’t exist of course.

Holy Brothels
In spite of the Christian religious ideals of chastity and celibacy, the reality was, as we have seen, somewhat different. According to the sources many monks (and nuns) were acting like frivolous libertines. The sources suggest that many became monks just to be able to fornicate undisturbed (Deschner 1987). In the end of the 16th century many male monasteries were teeming with women and children. Homosexuality was also not uncommon in many monasteries. And many nun monasteries were in reality working brothels, and competed many places in Europe with the local prostitutes. Already in the ninth century there are many comparisons between nun monasteries and brothels in the texts. The clergy complained regularly about nun monasteries being open both day and night, to both laymen and randy priests. Chastity and celibacy had obviously a hard time, and if the nuns didn’t have access to men, they had to help themselves as best they could. Marguerite Gourdan was France’s most famous brothel owner in the 18th century, and a well-known producer of wooden penises, popularly called “nun heirlooms”. When she passed away in 1783 they found hundreds of orders for her wooden penises from French nun monasteries (ibid). Many monks had on the other side a strong inclination for voluptuous statues and pictures of St.Mary, and it was not uncommon to find kneeling monks masturbating in front of a well-proportioned statue of St. Mary.

It was not very different in the Vatican. Pope Sixtus IV in the fifteenth century is famous for building the Sistine Chapel, but he also built a brothel. Sixtus was himself one horny bastard, and raped both his own sister and his children. He also earned approximately 20.000 ducats in taxes each year from his personal prostitutes. Both the Pope, cardinals, bishops, abbots and abbesses bought and sold brothels and prostitutes at this time. It was a huge industry, papal Rome had in 1490 less than 100.000 citizens, and 6800 of these were prostitutes. This means that every seventh woman in Rome was a prostitute at this time.

Masturbation and homosexuality
The widespread monastery life was instrumental to suppress the population growth in the early Middle Ages. Up until the 14th century the Catholic Church seems to be fairly liberal with non-fertile ways of getting sexual satisfaction. Lesbian and gay relationships were not uncommon in monasteries, and were largely ignored if not committed publicly. Masturbation was also considered as a minor sin and usually ignored. If caught in the act the penalty was usually quite mild. As an example, penitence books only gave 50 days of penitence for a bishop who had been caught masturbating in church (!) (voluntare semen fudit in eglesia). For a priest the penalty for this was only 30 days of penitence (E.Bjøl). Masturbation was considered normal for the young ones, and 14 of 17 medieval theologians deal with, and accept, female masturbation, especially in cases when women didn’t get orgasm during intercourse. The reason was the widespread belief that orgasm was necessary for impregnation.

After the Black Death had sent huge parts of Europe’s population home to Jesus in the middle of the fourteenth century, the church changed its view on non-fertile and “unnatural habits” drastically. These things were now considered as serious sins. As a result masturbation was considered harmful and the cause of blindness, epilepsy and several other illnesses. And this view made its way into the medical world, and is just one example of how misanthropic Christian moral has corrupted medical progress. Surprisingly this view of masturbation as an unhealthy crippling menace continued until the twentieth century! Amazing!

Rules for married
The pious ideals of the Christian Church have always been chastity, asceticism and celibacy. Already the Apostle council firmly stated in their decree, that among the worst deadly sins were trinity, paganism, murder and sex without marriage. Even sex within the marriage was considered a sin, so the church started regulating it. In the early middle ages this kind of filthy activity between married couples was forbidden on Sundays and other holydays, on days of penitence and prayer, on Wednesdays and Fridays, or Fridays and Saturdays, and of course in the forty day long Fasting, in the four weeks of Advent, before going to Altar (Eucharist), under pregnancy etc (Deschner 1987). If we add all this together we find that sex within marriage was forbidden in eight months of the year! Later in the Middle Ages this religious ban was reduced to just half the year. Breaking the rules was punished with penitence, but also with deformed and handicapped children, epilepsy, leprosy and demonic possessions, according to the Church. The moral concerned clergy discussed thorough and deeply which sexual position gave the least pleasure for the participants, and therefore could be accepted by the church. What deep insights, broad experience and factual knowledge the church had on these matters, is not entirely clear. Anyway, the result was that all other sexual positions than the “missionary position” was considered a crime just as serious as murder. The church viewed marriage as doubtful at best. According to St. Augustine married persons got a lesser place in heaven than unmarried did, and only completely abstemious marriages were really ”true” marriages.

Birth control
Family planning and the use of contraceptives, both ”mechanical” devices and pharmacological ones were widespread and quite common in Antiquity. In the Christian world family planning and contraception have more or less been unknown until modern times. And in modern times the Catholic Church had tried to fight this with all means necessary. The Pope is still at it, with his reactionary crusade against contraceptives, also in heavily overpopulated developing countries with colossal Aids- and HIV-problems. How many people have died and die because of deceases easily avoided with condoms, how many illegal abortions or unwanted children growing up under horrendous social, economical and hygienic conditions This papal crusade against contraception is not only stupid, it is malicious and evil. Instead the Vatican has their own “developing” projects, building schools and churches in developing countries to further promote mythical, magical, racist, misanthropic and completely irrational ideas discarded by science centuries ago. With the fierce enthusiasm The Catholic Church has for fighting contraception, one can ask: When has the Church showed any similar enthusiasm to fight the weapons industry? When have the bishops engaged themselves and their vast influential organisation in fighting the production and use of bombs, grenades, mines, napalm and nerve gas? Never! But in fighting contraception and family planning the influential Catholic Church has showed an impressive and burning commitment.
The hypocrisy of the Church never ceases to amaze us.

It’s strange because I would never use a word like ‘fuck’ in everyday speech - I never use it as a curse word. But when I’m talking about sex I guess I use it quite a lot.

Up until our first child was born Sue and I didn’t really talk much about sex at all. Then one day I wrote her a pornographic letter, very much along the lines of the last post, telling her what I had liked about the last time we had sex and some things that I would like to try. I didn’t bar any holds - it was full of words like ‘cock’ and ‘clit’ and ‘cunt’ and ‘fuck’.

I agonised for ages over whether I should give it to her. I worried what she would make of it. Would she freak out completely? Finally I plucked up the courage and gave it to her. She was a bit shocked at first, understandably. We are a pretty reserved British couple and she had never ever heard me say the word ‘fuck’ in any context so the whole thing took her a bit by surprise. But finally she came round to the idea and it was soon clear that she was turned on by it.

A few more pornographic letters followed and then one day, whilst I was fingering her clit, she asked me to talk to her in the same language that I used in the letters. Now it was my turn to be surprised. I was a bit uncomfortable with it at first, but I soon got into it and there was an immediate impact from her point of view. I thought I could feel a definite stiffening of her clit whilst I was talking about looking forward to sliding my stiff cock into her wet cunt.

It was a tremendous release to be able to do that. Now I could tell her in no uncertain terms what I enjoyed about our sex, we could talk to each other so that we got to know exactly what the other person liked or disliked, or what we would like to do, without having to try to pick up non-verbal signals (obviously non-verbal signals are still very important, though).

Still, outside the heat of passion I would still never use pornographic words to her. I am only comfortable with it during passionate moments when it seems appropriate. And I still write pornographic letters to her from time to time, but we now also have this new-fangled blog thing which can still turn her on sometimes, such as when she read ‘Office Party’.

I guess some people might be shocked at some of the language that I use, particularly the word ‘cunt’ which still seems to be a taboo word, even today. But I feel more comfortable with the old Anglo-Saxon words such as cock, cunt and fuck. To me words like ‘dick’ and ‘pussy’ are American words and even though they are probably used a lot in the UK now under the influence of American porn, I am not comfortable using them myself. So if you’ve ever wondered why I don’t use the word ‘pussy’, that’s it. I don’t use it for the same reason that I don’t call a shopping centre a ‘mall’, or the boot of a car a ‘trunk’.

Also, I figure that if the word ‘cunt’ was acceptable for D H Lawrence to use, then it should be OK for me too. And if anyone dislikes it they can always move on to the next blog. If I was writing professionally I would have to adapt the language according to the market, but I’m not so I guess I can please myself.

Besides, I like the poetic alliteration of the words cock, clit, cunt and fuck.

But establishing a language of sex has helped us enormously in our sex life, and now I can’t imagine it any other way.

4 Comments:

i never thought of “pussy” and “cunt” in terms of other words Funny* And I never considered the term “pussy” to be American LoL. It’s just what I’m used to. Here, Cunt in considered the not so good one… I personally don’t care… I kind of think cunt sounds moure well rounded, even though its not so accepted here. I prefer cock over dick.. but thats only because dick makes me feel like im talking about a person, or like.. moby dick.. and thats odd* but i use all 4 words interchangably* … depending on context.
The Girlfriend: Thursday, December 30, 2004 12:46:03 AM

I’m not quite sure why I consider ‘pussy’ to be an American word. You never know, I might come round to using it, but it certainly doesn’t feel natural at the moment.
Ed: Thursday, December 30, 2004 1:49:51 AM
“We are a pretty reserved British couple”Yeah, that’s what I consider you two as well. Very reserved.

I’ll never think the same of the UK again.

Jay
Jay Loves Kitti: Thursday, December 30, 2004 2:44:05 AM

We are, though, just like Jane and Rob in Edinburgh

Seriously, though, if you met us you would think of us as a typical reserved British couple.

I often like to ‘talk dirty’ during sex. It depends on the mood. I wouldn’t use pornographic language during gentle love-making.

It’s strange because I would never use a word like ‘fuck’ in everyday speech - I never use it as a curse word. But when I’m talking about sex I guess I use it quite a lot.

Up until our first child was born Sue and I didn’t really talk much about sex at all. Then one day I wrote her a pornographic letter, very much along the lines of the last post, telling her what I had liked about the last time we had sex and some things that I would like to try. I didn’t bar any holds - it was full of words like ‘cock’ and ‘clit’ and ‘cunt’ and ‘fuck’.

I agonised for ages over whether I should give it to her. I worried what she would make of it. Would she freak out completely? Finally I plucked up the courage and gave it to her. She was a bit shocked at first, understandably. We are a pretty reserved British couple and she had never ever heard me say the word ‘fuck’ in any context so the whole thing took her a bit by surprise. But finally she came round to the idea and it was soon clear that she was turned on by it.

A few more pornographic letters followed and then one day, whilst I was fingering her clit, she asked me to talk to her in the same language that I used in the letters. Now it was my turn to be surprised. I was a bit uncomfortable with it at first, but I soon got into it and there was an immediate impact from her point of view. I thought I could feel a definite stiffening of her clit whilst I was talking about looking forward to sliding my stiff cock into her wet cunt.

It was a tremendous release to be able to do that. Now I could tell her in no uncertain terms what I enjoyed about our sex, we could talk to each other so that we got to know exactly what the other person liked or disliked, or what we would like to do, without having to try to pick up non-verbal signals (obviously non-verbal signals are still very important, though).

Still, outside the heat of passion I would still never use pornographic words to her. I am only comfortable with it during passionate moments when it seems appropriate. And I still write pornographic letters to her from time to time, but we now also have this new-fangled blog thing which can still turn her on sometimes, such as when she read ‘Office Party’.

I guess some people might be shocked at some of the language that I use, particularly the word ‘cunt’ which still seems to be a taboo word, even today. But I feel more comfortable with the old Anglo-Saxon words such as cock, cunt and fuck. To me words like ‘dick’ and ‘pussy’ are American words and even though they are probably used a lot in the UK now under the influence of American porn, I am not comfortable using them myself. So if you’ve ever wondered why I don’t use the word ‘pussy’, that’s it. I don’t use it for the same reason that I don’t call a shopping centre a ‘mall’, or the boot of a car a ‘trunk’.

Also, I figure that if the word ‘cunt’ was acceptable for D H Lawrence to use, then it should be OK for me too. And if anyone dislikes it they can always move on to the next blog. If I was writing professionally I would have to adapt the language according to the market, but I’m not so I guess I can please myself.

Besides, I like the poetic alliteration of the words cock, clit, cunt and fuck.

But establishing a language of sex has helped us enormously in our sex life, and now I can’t imagine it any other way.

4 Comments:

i never thought of “pussy” and “cunt” in terms of other words Funny* And I never considered the term “pussy” to be American LoL. It’s just what I’m used to. Here, Cunt in considered the not so good one… I personally don’t care… I kind of think cunt sounds moure well rounded, even though its not so accepted here. I prefer cock over dick.. but thats only because dick makes me feel like im talking about a person, or like.. moby dick.. and thats odd* but i use all 4 words interchangably* … depending on context.
The Girlfriend: Thursday, December 30, 2004 12:46:03 AM

I’m not quite sure why I consider ‘pussy’ to be an American word. You never know, I might come round to using it, but it certainly doesn’t feel natural at the moment.
Ed: Thursday, December 30, 2004 1:49:51 AM
“We are a pretty reserved British couple”Yeah, that’s what I consider you two as well. Very reserved.

I’ll never think the same of the UK again.

Jay
Jay Loves Kitti: Thursday, December 30, 2004 2:44:05 AM

We are, though, just like Jane and Rob in Edinburgh

Seriously, though, if you met us you would think of us as a typical reserved British couple.

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My early retirement did not startwell. Firstly, I was not prepared for retirement and soon became despondent about not having anything worthwhile to do. Bouts of mania and depression occured on regular intervals and I was hospitalized three times in the first three years.

It was during my third hospitalization that I attended a meeting which dealt with transcendental meditation as a tool to manage mania and depression by those suffering from bipolar disorder. It was a woman who presnted the topic. She was in her forties and was born in Canada but met a guru during one of her visits to India and became a disciple. Soon she was exposed to tantra yoga and soon she took the name Bhakti Shakti or true believer. Her screen name was tantric_godess69. I found out all this while having coffee with her one day after her presentation. When she found out about my affliction she advised that I see her regularly and train for tantric life.

The first thing I did after I got out of hospital was to do a through study of tantric marg. I soon found out that tantric life lead to OHM SHANTI or inner peace in addition to total bliss. The requirements of living a tantric life were rigourous. Every day started with a breathing exercise and one hour of meditation. You were expected to read and write on topics that are relevent to your life. Such topics included food, sex, entertainment and religion. Though you were expected to be a vegitarian this rule was not strictly followed. Evangelism was very important and You were expected to spread the belief. Soon it became clear to me that tantric life was congruent to the cybersex relationships I have cultivated. It was with great expectations that oneday I presented myself to be a disciple of Bhakti Shakti. She asked me to call her Sita in our regular discourse. It was agreed that I would meet with Sita three times a week for three hours each day. It was thus that I was introduced to the Tantric Life 

Come to my room for a little game.
Bodies set in motion, my desire, I want you to tame.

Lay your body down next to mine.
Let our souls intertwine.

Nestle yourself gently between my thighs,
Gaze deeply into my seductive eyes.

Setting each other in a trance,
Slowly beginning that erotic dance.

Bodies moving in harmony;
Lustfully, passionately, bodies together one in unity.

Looking into each others eyes.
Without deception, without disguise.

Your face no longer revealing recognition of my presence,
For you are swallowed in your own sexual indulgence.

Crying out from beginning to end,
Moaning loudly beginning to ascend.

Feeling the fury rush over my body,
Collapsing together, euphoric in sensual rhapsody. 
 

Today I woke up at five in the morning. After drinking 2 glasses of cold water I proceeded to do breathing exercises for 30 minutes. This prepared the mind to proceed to the next step which is transcendental meditation. The aim of meditation is to overcome the evil influences of ego. So one attempts to blank ones mind and focus on absolute nothing. In a world dominated by ego it is very difficult to focus on nothing. One can channel thoughts towards the attainment of bliss or enlightment. Bliss is physical state of rapture. Contemplating such rapture can make the mind to focus on the physcical enjoyment of one's life. Secondly the mind may focus on nirvana or enlightment. Real enlightment is almost impossible to achive. Only Buddha has ever fully enlightened. Even thinking about enlightnment can be enlightening. One of the techniques of conducting benefitial meditation calls for the switching of the state of being from ananda or bliss and nirvana or enlightment. This process of switching should happen as if one is breathing. Both ananda and nirvana are mental states conducive to OHM SHANTI. When a total state of inner peace is achived while meditating it becomes easy to maintain that state.

After meditation I was hungry. I had a breakfast of rice , yogurt and cooked vegitables and an orange. After the breakfast I spent an hour reading the news papers. In tantric life it is essential that one keep oneself knowledgable about what is going around you. The nature of meditative and lonely life often prompts a life removed from real life. This can upset a tantric life for it is essential to exist in a state of which one is aware. After reading the papers I spent 3 hours on the Internet. First I wrote to all my email friends. Then I contacted my partners in cybersex. Currently I have cybersex relations with three women. One is an 18 year old girl who had decided to devote her life to the tantric way. At present she was learning the art of meditation as a prelude to cybersex practise. The second individual was a 35 year old mother of two teen age children. She wanted to withdraw from her family life to a tantric life and cybersex practise. Finally there was Bhakti who was 51 years old and was a practising tantric queen.

After writing emails I found out that only Bhakti was on line. I decided to contact her and find out her sexual desires for today. I will late record the events that materialized in the company of Bhakti. 

My early retirement did not go well in the beginning. I did not have any plans or things to do. I was hospitalized three times. During my last hospitalization I attended a presention on the use of meditation to manage mania and depression by those suffering from bipolar disorder.

The woman who presented the topic on meditation was called Sita although she has taked the name       Ma Bhakti Shakti (Mother Strong Believer). She had taken the screen name tantric_goddess69 and one day after the presentation I invited her for coffee. I told her all abouty my illness and asked her advice. She adviced me to follow tantric life and told me that she would help me to become familiar with it.

Tantric life involves discipline and committment. Everyday I have to get up before the sun rises. For half an hour you do breathing exercises Then you meditate for two hours. Food is not necessarily vegitarian. You eat little often and your mental and physical strength are constantly tested. There is a period of reading and writing followed by chanting and singing. It is essential for the man who decides to lead a tantric life to committ himself to serve a female partner and fulfill all her pure and pruirient sexual desires.

The tantric way of life is a route to spiritual salvation and nirvana. The first step is to denounce pleasure while giving pleasure to your partner. While you are expected to bring your female partner to a climax you are expected to deny your own ejaculation.

How do you find a partner and serve her desires? Ma  Bhakti Shakti arranged for me to meet mer three times a week for priliminary lessons. How this learning evolved and how I began living the tantric way would be discussed in the periodic blogs I will present.